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About Me

Hey my name is Hannah. I’m 24 years old born and raised in Southern California. For a brief time I lived in San Francisco (3 years) so sometimes I crave just concrete, liberal ideas, and wild times. 

(That’s me!)

My URL is named after a Maná song. I’m half black and half Latina. Both identities mean a lot to me and I always have to explain to people constantly that I’m half Latina when I grew up very Latina. (Although my Spanish needs a lot of work)

So I started this blog really for myself. (doesn’t everyone say this?) I usually just journal but it’s nice to have something at the touch of your fingertips. I hate how most social media controls me at least. (almost like that episode of Black Mirror.) I’m always concerned with followers and likes and etc. I know with this format I won’t worry as much. So with that being said my writing will have mistakes and spelling errors. This blog is just a flow not some perfect thing I’m trying to make a career. So welcome to the crazy life that is Hannah.

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Daily Prompt: Express

Cliche

Words could never

express the way I feel

The emotions that overcome me when I see you

even only after a few hours

When your lips touch mine

Also the moments of insecurity

Will this last?

Is this real?

These emotions are just as strong

I had a friend who said

Never give your heart away

until you say I do

I understand now

Daily Prompt: Loyalty 

You forget the times you spent together and what they meant to you, maybe even the vows you took on a special day. You get lost between the commute times and non linking schedules. So you get sucked in by that one cute coworker that always tells you, you look nice and keeps asking you to happy hour. You can’t remember the last time your significant other said you looked nice or even took you out. Hell when was the last time you guys had sex? So you finally accept an offer to happy hour. You giggle at all your coworker’s jokes and have too many Moscow mules. They lean in closer to you and you didn’t expect it but they kiss you and you let them. You let them lead you to their apartment ripping each others clothes one by one. Heaving breathing, heaving petting. It’s done. You cum but now you feel empty. You put on your clothes explain you got to go. Driving home to place you made a home with another person. You can’t even look them in their face when they say “How was your day babe?” They might not know it now but sooner or later they’ll find out the loyalty is gone. The trust is finshed. If you are lucky you’ll fight it through but the look on their face when you go out with your friends or go on a little grocery trip or to the gym by yourself will never fade. 

Random Thoughts

  • The customers at work are going to be the end of me. I need to start something else seriously and try and close out the stress of this job. It’s not fulfilling at all. I’ve felt more ease this week but it’s because I’ve had the flu. That’s why I haven’t been writing either.
  • Jaime and I went apartment hunting the other week. A lot of the apartments were out of our range but we did find one in our range of price but Jaime thinks it’s too small. It’s really close to work and convenient especially since I don’t have a car or driver license. I hope I can convince him. I really can’t stand our current living conditions.
  • Last Friday I got a piercing and tattoo with Janiece. It was nice having some girl time even though I felt like I couldn’t be my full self because I felt like shit.
  • Having all this stress and anxiety fucking sucks and I wonder when it will all end. 
  • I was so sick this whole weekend that at some point I couldn’t control my bowels.
  • Now that moving seems more real Jaime is looking into buying a house. I told him from the beginning that we should of done that. I hate when people don’t listen to you but I really love him.
  • I finally got my transcripts back so I have to turn them into the community college. To be honest I’m super nervous. It feels like I haven’t been in school in forever and I know I have forgotten simple things. I just want to be the best I can be.
  • Although my post was melancholy, I am truly content right now. I’m excited for the future but also scared as hell. I just have to keep telling myself that everything will work itself out. I have to believe that.

Strangers Again

There was a video we always watched on YouTube by Wong Fu Productions called Strangers Again. We said it would never happen to us but it did. Yesterday I deleted your number. We haven’t talked well over year other than saying happy birthday to each other. But I kept your number in my phone for a safe haven. I never knew why. Every time I look into my past it seemed like a movie, not real, a distant memory. You were a movie, not real, a distant memory. All I had was a phone number I could call anytime. The one that you would always pick up and listen to me no matter what was happening: together, unstable, not together, or haven’t spoken in months. But I look into his eyes and realize I’m glad we are strangers again. That sometimes things don’t work out the way you want. That it’s finally time to let go.

Random Thoughts 

  • I wish I felt how cute I look right now but I feel like shit.
  • I’ve called out a few days out and I kinda feel bad about it but it’s for the best (mentally and physically)
  • I’m reading The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck and I truly resonate with this book.
  • I think I’m going to take my mom for brunch on Sunday. She is so good to me and I’m really such a fucking brat to her. I need to do better.
  • I’m going to finally get a Friday the 13th tattoo with Janiece this Friday (hopefully it’s not too busy) Also if I finally get over my cold I’m going to re-pierce my septum.
  • I applied full time for a different position at work and I’m hoping they at least give me a fucking chance but chances are they aren’t.
  • I feel okay right now. Not like I’m going out of my fucking mind and it’s nice. It’s nice to feel at ease. These moments are rare ones. 
  • I’m excited to go back to school and actually being on top of what I need to do. I got this!
  • I’m sorry I’m not interesting I literally just been in bed the last few days trying to get better for the weekend. It’s actually fine with me

Ricky

I was in lust. I hated you the moment I met you. You looked down on any music that wasn’t pop punk or post hardcore because that music has “meaning” and musical talent. Gandhi was your hero for his non violent protest but you can never see your heros or anything you said in a critical way. It worried me because you were majoring in sociology and didn’t see your problematic ways.

I was in love superficially. You came to me with sweet notes written on paper towels and fresh picked flowers. I didn’t know how to be alone and your arms were sufficient. You always picked up the phone or opened your door.

I was wrong. The way I saw you and the time I told you to fuck off. You sipped your vegan latte and told me you struggled to find a balance in life and finding a person to love. Me and you were the same. Too alike.