30 Day Blog Challenge Day 9

Day 9: What’s in your bag/wallet

I don’t really carry a purse anymore so this is what’s in my wallet. It’s fairly organized surprisingly but I just got it for Christmas. I just have my cards which are mostly memories than ways of payment.

The second compartment of my wallet, I have some cash, receipts, a dinosaur that I got from the Cabazon dinosaur museum and a ticket from when my husband and I started “talking.” I wish it could been messier to have more of a story but I am trying to declutter my life.

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30 Day Blog Challenge Day 5

Sorry I haven’t written in so long. There really aren’t any excuses but these past few days have been overwhelming. I have some good news! I have actually landed a job and it’s a five minute walk from home so it’s super cool and convenient but being a housewife was cool while it lasted.

Anyway back to the prompt which day five is my proudest moment would be moving to San Francisco. It was a time I was truly independent and did something for myself. San Francisco is largely the reason for the person I am today and I’m proud of that. I’m proud of how empathetic I am. I’m proud of how more aware I am. I’m proud to know no matter how much pain and suffering I will go through, I will make it out stronger.

30 Day Challenge Day 4

Day 4- Your Dream Job

You know I really hate this question because I have a lot of passions. I would say my number one is writing. I have been in a funk lately though.

I would like to write a book in my life. I mean I actually have when I was a kid on a old ass computer. Who knows where that computer is now but I would like to be published. I could die a happy women.

Another possible dream job is I would love to be a food blogger. It just takes a lot of time and patience that seems to run thin at times. I love to cook but sometimes I need a lot of motivation to do it.

So I guess short answer would be a writer. Here’s some photos of me making fresh pasta earlier today and follow me on Instagram at be_your_own_3am to watch more of my Instagram stories.

30 Day Challenge Day 2

Day 2- 20 Facts About You!

Fact 1: I’m married!

This is a really big one! I’m twenty five but people think I’m super dooper young and can’t believe I married. Also earlier in my life I was a bit slutty (no regrets!) so it came to a shock to my family and friends. I just know my husband is the one and that’s that on that!

Fact 2: I’m half black and half Salvadoran.

I will mention this a lot (like just my last post) but my identity is super important to me. It’s something I have struggled with my whole entire life and I have finally came to terms with.

Fact 3: I’m super into politics.

I have to talk about politics probably at least once a day. My politics views are far left and most link up with Marxist Leninist views.

Fact 4: I like weed…. like a lot.

It’s honestly like a problem.

Fact 5: I live in California

Although I really do want to move out of California, it’s been a blessing. California is really the best state. I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up!

Fact 6: I went to college in San Francisco.

I went to SFSU for two years and then dropped out. San Francisco is probably where most of my leftist views come from.

Fact 7: I’m a housewife

I’m the worse housewife of all time but so far it’s been a good time. I use to work at a Hardware store Lowes but it got overwhelming and my mental health was not in a good place at all.

Fact 8: My favorite band is The Radio Dept.

I use to be really into music. I still am but mostly listen to a lot of oldies and indie in the early 2010’s.

Fact 9: I have two pugs.

Stitch and Daisy are my whole entire world.

Fact 10: I use to be a webcam girl.

I don’t have photos of that but I did it for a good two months here and there. My profile is still out there somewhere in the inter web. Hell I’m thinking about doing it again but sex work is not fucking easy.

Fact 11: I won a writing competition in elementary school.

I’m still shook about it and makes me think I can make it as a writer although I never entered a writing contest after that.

Fact 12: I have a brother

He’s leaving to the military in a matter of two weeks. He’s my best friend.

Fact 13: My biggest dream is to move to France.

This is weird to say considering the political climate but I love France and I really wish I could move there. I say if I ever get divorced the first thing I’m going to do is try to move to France.

Fact 14: My ultimate celebrity crush is Hasan Piker.

I think celebrities are stupid and pop culture is fucking stupid but I love love him.

Fact 15: I’m an atheist.

I’m not super hard core about it but I really don’t believe in a God. I kinda fuck with the idea of reincarnation but other than that I have no sense of spirituality and it’s super hard to let any sort of spirituality in my life for some reason. I grew up Christian, I have pagan friends, and I was fucking a guy that was into sacred geometry and crystals but nothing. I still believe in nothing.

Fact 16: I’m a introvert.

I like to talk and I could blab on forever. I’m not shy but I really don’t like interacting a lot. I keep to myself. Talking to people really fucking drains me and I usually need a drink to be myself around people. It’s terrible.

Fact 17: I suffer from anxiety and depression.

My anxiety has definitely gotten better over the years but depression still be holding on here and there. I have seen therapist and really I just smoke weed to tune out. I was officially diagnosed in 2015 after getting hit by a car.

Fact 18: I don’t know how to swim

Is this really surprising? (I think I’m being racist to myself) Another fact unrelated is I love dark humor and satire.

Fact 19: I don’t know how to drive.

Yeah living in Southern California without a license and car has been a struggle. I’ll get there one day. I have a huge phobia for driving which I truly don’t understand much.

Fact 20: Im obsessed with the show Sex and The City.

I probably designed my early 20’s on this show (Don’t do that) .

Happy Birthday

I never thought I would get married. It’s something that I’ve always wanted but after a four year relationship, I didn’t think love was real. At least not for me. My ex was bad but I wasn’t quite an angel either. I felt the love I had for my ex, if it even was love, was superficial. Even the guys after my ex never felt right. I love the attention but dating in your 20s just felt like a fucking game.

But then I met you. You took me by surprise. I can’t even explain the feeling when I first met you. I just knew I needed you in my life. I don’t know maybe it was limerence but it hasn’t gone away.

You have been the most supportive person in my life so far. The only person I trust with everything. You are my best friend. You are my muse. You are my lover. I would give you the world if I could. Happy Birthday.

Another Update

I haven’t been posting mostly because I was trying to do blogging off Instagram. Maybe I’m weak but I truly don’t understand how people do it. With this blog I never felt the stress of validation like I do with Instagram. I also don’t know why I want fame so much. It’s not important. It’s so fucking unnecessary. I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to be a slave of validation.

I will start writing on here more. It’s stress free and I feel like I can post and say whatever I want. I will censor myself though because I was wildin before. Some things are meant behind closed doors and that’s fine. I will say though I making this more of a writing blog, a place where I can put the poems and short stories I write with a little personal things here and there.

Some personal updates is I moved to Hemet California and I actually love the city. I’m having a hard time adjusting with some circumstances but I’ll be okay. I still don’t have a job but surprisingly I haven’t been driven crazy by boredom. It’s been hard to find a job even shitty jobs but I’ll be okay for awhile. I’m just glad I have more time to do the things I love, make art.

Update!

Hey guys! It’s been awhile but I have cleaned up my blog. Those who actually read my blog knows my blog was a place where I came to talk shit about my daily life which included: my family, my ex coworkers, my job, my husband and etc. I’m not totally confident in becoming an actual “blogger” but I’m going to try to be more serious about it. So that means I’m going to switch up my post from what I use to post (word vomit).

So a major update is that I quit my job. I just got really tired of it. I never wanted to go to work (I mean who does, not the point) and sometimes I would cry before I would go to work. After a very bad interview for a transfer, I had a very serious conversation with my husband and we decided that I should quit.

Another update is that I am going to take a breather trying to find a job just because we are moving out of our apartment soon. I have to repaint a lot of shit and do some deep cleaning. Today was the first time either my husband or I cleaned the apartment in months. Anyway after moving I’m going to try and find a job as soon as possible because in six months or so, Jaime and I are going to buy a van and travel across America for three months.

So life has been really fast and kinda scary these past few weeks but I already feel better. I don’t feel stuck anymore. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if the van thing is going to work out but I’m excited and I think I actually believe in myself.

(Here are a few things I have been up to since I have been gone)