Painting

I dream to see

The day

When the sun peaks out

And

I grow tall like a flower

And

My tears weren’t all

For nothing

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Happy Birthday

I never thought I would get married. It’s something that I’ve always wanted but after a four year relationship, I didn’t think love was real. At least not for me. My ex was bad but I wasn’t quite an angel either. I felt the love I had for my ex, if it even was love, was superficial. Even the guys after my ex never felt right. I love the attention but dating in your 20s just felt like a fucking game.

But then I met you. You took me by surprise. I can’t even explain the feeling when I first met you. I just knew I needed you in my life. I don’t know maybe it was limerence but it hasn’t gone away.

You have been the most supportive person in my life so far. The only person I trust with everything. You are my best friend. You are my muse. You are my lover. I would give you the world if I could. Happy Birthday.

Another Update

I haven’t been posting mostly because I was trying to do blogging off Instagram. Maybe I’m weak but I truly don’t understand how people do it. With this blog I never felt the stress of validation like I do with Instagram. I also don’t know why I want fame so much. It’s not important. It’s so fucking unnecessary. I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to be a slave of validation.

I will start writing on here more. It’s stress free and I feel like I can post and say whatever I want. I will censor myself though because I was wildin before. Some things are meant behind closed doors and that’s fine. I will say though I making this more of a writing blog, a place where I can put the poems and short stories I write with a little personal things here and there.

Some personal updates is I moved to Hemet California and I actually love the city. I’m having a hard time adjusting with some circumstances but I’ll be okay. I still don’t have a job but surprisingly I haven’t been driven crazy by boredom. It’s been hard to find a job even shitty jobs but I’ll be okay for awhile. I’m just glad I have more time to do the things I love, make art.

Update!

Hey guys! It’s been awhile but I have cleaned up my blog. Those who actually read my blog knows my blog was a place where I came to talk shit about my daily life which included: my family, my ex coworkers, my job, my husband and etc. I’m not totally confident in becoming an actual “blogger” but I’m going to try to be more serious about it. So that means I’m going to switch up my post from what I use to post (word vomit).

So a major update is that I quit my job. I just got really tired of it. I never wanted to go to work (I mean who does, not the point) and sometimes I would cry before I would go to work. After a very bad interview for a transfer, I had a very serious conversation with my husband and we decided that I should quit.

Another update is that I am going to take a breather trying to find a job just because we are moving out of our apartment soon. I have to repaint a lot of shit and do some deep cleaning. Today was the first time either my husband or I cleaned the apartment in months. Anyway after moving I’m going to try and find a job as soon as possible because in six months or so, Jaime and I are going to buy a van and travel across America for three months.

So life has been really fast and kinda scary these past few weeks but I already feel better. I don’t feel stuck anymore. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if the van thing is going to work out but I’m excited and I think I actually believe in myself.

(Here are a few things I have been up to since I have been gone)

San Francisco Day 2!

So we woke up later than I liked but it was fine. Jaime and I never get enough sleep as it is and we are on vacation! Isn’t the point of vacation is relaxing? Sometimes I forget that.

Anyway we left our Airbnb and went to Lemonade to eat some breakfast. I just got four different salads and Jaime got some brisket which was actually really fucking good. After Lemonade we hopped on Muni and headed to Montgomery to go to Chinatown.

We went to Chinatown and we took some photos and walked all the way to North Beach. Didn’t really stop much because North Beach is really just a bunch of Italian Restaurants and strip clubs. We did stop at City Lights bookstore. It’s crazy because I’m a huge reader and never in my life have I stepped into that store and it truly is a beautiful bookstore.

From North Beach we walked to the wharf again. We said hi to one of my friends that works at Pier 39 and it was just super busy for her so I didn’t get to spend much time with her but it was nice to see a friendly face again. From Pier 39 we walked around the wharf a bit and I got some souvenir for myself, a necklace and a map! After that we walked down to Lombard took some photos and took an Uber back to the Airbnb and charged our phones for a little bit.

After that we hopped on the L to go to 42nd and Taraval. I wanted to show Jaime my old apartment. From there we are Thai food at Vanida and watched the sunset at Ocean beach.

After being on the beach for awhile we hopped on the 18 and went to Stonestown for a little bit. Don’t know why because every time I’m in Stonestown I feel like I’m back in the suburbs. The mall is smaller than the one back home and I’m not exaggerating. But from Stonestown we went to SFSU where I shared some college memories with Jaime and the whole time I wish I just stuck it out and fucking graduated.

After SFSU we went back to West Portal drank and some wine bar and now we are back at our Airbnb. My friend wanted to go out to get drinks but she hasn’t hit me up. I told her to meet us at a bar on Taraval but it’s kinda far considering she lives in Oakland. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m not going to be too hurt if it doesn’t happened. I get it we all have lives and I’m an asshole for telling people at the last minute I was here. It’s just I don’t have much time and I really want to show my husband around. Hopefully I can come back soon with more time on my hands. We leave tomorrow.

San Francisco Day 1 Cont…

So we took a nap for a lot longer than we thought and ended up leaving the house around six. I don’t know but being here has made me feel weird and sentimental and I ended up FaceTiming one of my friends. It led me to visit her at one of her restaurants. She was busy but she gave us free beer. I’m suppose to hang out with her tonight but we will see.

Anyway we were in financial district and then went to the wharf. I high key think Jaime liked it and for me it had more charm than I remembered. We went to eat at Bubba Gump because he really wanted to eat there for some reason. It was okay. Not as bad as I thought it would be but Jaime was severely disappointed.

It was getting late and we decided first to go to Gold Dust but the beers were lame so I took Jaime to Kennedy’s where we had a lot of beer and played songs off the juke box with the most random songs. It felt like old times but with the man I love and it’s so crazy being here I can’t even explain it. San Francisco is the symbol of my early adulthood and who I have become. It something I have never really shared with Jaime until now and it feels special. Sorry I’m out here spitting out no sense but it’s a crazy feeling I have yet to explain properly.