Another Update

I haven’t been posting mostly because I was trying to do blogging off Instagram. Maybe I’m weak but I truly don’t understand how people do it. With this blog I never felt the stress of validation like I do with Instagram. I also don’t know why I want fame so much. It’s not important. It’s so fucking unnecessary. I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to be a slave of validation.

I will start writing on here more. It’s stress free and I feel like I can post and say whatever I want. I will censor myself though because I was wildin before. Some things are meant behind closed doors and that’s fine. I will say though I making this more of a writing blog, a place where I can put the poems and short stories I write with a little personal things here and there.

Some personal updates is I moved to Hemet California and I actually love the city. I’m having a hard time adjusting with some circumstances but I’ll be okay. I still don’t have a job but surprisingly I haven’t been driven crazy by boredom. It’s been hard to find a job even shitty jobs but I’ll be okay for awhile. I’m just glad I have more time to do the things I love, make art.

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Update!

Hey guys! It’s been awhile but I have cleaned up my blog. Those who actually read my blog knows my blog was a place where I came to talk shit about my daily life which included: my family, my ex coworkers, my job, my husband and etc. I’m not totally confident in becoming an actual “blogger” but I’m going to try to be more serious about it. So that means I’m going to switch up my post from what I use to post (word vomit).

So a major update is that I quit my job. I just got really tired of it. I never wanted to go to work (I mean who does, not the point) and sometimes I would cry before I would go to work. After a very bad interview for a transfer, I had a very serious conversation with my husband and we decided that I should quit.

Another update is that I am going to take a breather trying to find a job just because we are moving out of our apartment soon. I have to repaint a lot of shit and do some deep cleaning. Today was the first time either my husband or I cleaned the apartment in months. Anyway after moving I’m going to try and find a job as soon as possible because in six months or so, Jaime and I are going to buy a van and travel across America for three months.

So life has been really fast and kinda scary these past few weeks but I already feel better. I don’t feel stuck anymore. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if the van thing is going to work out but I’m excited and I think I actually believe in myself.

(Here are a few things I have been up to since I have been gone)

San Francisco Day 1 Cont…

So we took a nap for a lot longer than we thought and ended up leaving the house around six. I don’t know but being here has made me feel weird and sentimental and I ended up FaceTiming one of my friends. It led me to visit her at one of her restaurants. She was busy but she gave us free beer. I’m suppose to hang out with her tonight but we will see.

Anyway we were in financial district and then went to the wharf. I high key think Jaime liked it and for me it had more charm than I remembered. We went to eat at Bubba Gump because he really wanted to eat there for some reason. It was okay. Not as bad as I thought it would be but Jaime was severely disappointed.

It was getting late and we decided first to go to Gold Dust but the beers were lame so I took Jaime to Kennedy’s where we had a lot of beer and played songs off the juke box with the most random songs. It felt like old times but with the man I love and it’s so crazy being here I can’t even explain it. San Francisco is the symbol of my early adulthood and who I have become. It something I have never really shared with Jaime until now and it feels special. Sorry I’m out here spitting out no sense but it’s a crazy feeling I have yet to explain properly.

Day 1 San Francisco!

I guess this post is going to be short because I didn’t land too long ago. Jaime and I landed around 11:30 and didn’t get into the city until 12:15 or 12:30. We were in the mission. Jaime says the mission reminds him of TJ. We ate at tacolicious and some pupusas place on 16th and Valencia! It’s almost like I remember other than I went to their newer locations and not the one by Skylark. (I hate that I talk about the city like everyone knows what I’m talking about.)

It’s been short and sweet (although the day is so young!) Jaime and I are really tired from the car ride and also we didn’t exactly go to sleep early last night. It took about three hours to get to LAX and the flight was okay about fifty minutes but it’s still tiring. We are back at the Airbnb. He’s asleep right now so I’m taking advantage. It feels good to be back but it’s also weird. Small changes in a big city you use to live in are just so weird to encounter.

(I need to take more pictures but it’s weird when you feel like you are back at home)

Portland

I have been thinking about Portland a lot. Mostly because I’ve missed traveling. There was a short period two years ago where I took a break and traveled for about three months. One of my favorite trips was Portland. I talked a lot of shit about the city because it’s not very diverse at all and the small black community that Portland did have, they have been pushing out. With that being said I love Portland as a city. I love all the breweries, the coffee shops, superior doughnuts (I don’t even like fucking doughnuts), strip clubs, Powell’s, and the rose garden!

When I went to Portland I was in a weird stage in my life. One I was very irresponsible before I left and spent a lot of money on drinking and partying and only had $250 for the whole week which isn’t a lot let me tell you. Two I was technically single. My husband and I were dating but he made it very clear that we weren’t together but I loved him already at this point no matter how much I denied it.

When I went to Portland I didn’t expect to make any connections. (Every trip I have made though I have connected with someone though. It’s hard not to.) Right off the back I started hanging out with my hostel mates. The main people I talked to are Ryan and Ben. Ryan was a young kid who really wanted to work in film. He moved out as soon as he was 18 and lived in New York and spent some time in Eastern Europe and somehow ended up in Portland working as a on hand person in the hostel. He got paid very little but also got to stay at the hostel for free. That man could really make a $1 stretch, maybe that is the reason I survived that week. Ben was an Australian man from Perth. At first I saw him as lazy because all he would do is sit around the hostel and not do much. He had been on an extended holiday and already been to Vietnam and all over Europe. He felt it was time to relax. (To be honest when traveling take a fucking moment to relax from normal life, you probably ain’t going to do everything you want and that’s a harsh truth. I learned this the hard way) His biggest dream was to move to America and open up a coffee shop.

Highlights of this trip are times I spent alone. Before I always needed someone to be around and the more and more I traveled I began to love myself and accept me. I ate a maple bacon doughnut from Blue Star everyday. (Shout out to the one worker who hooked it up with free doughnuts!) Powell’s bookstore is the most superior bookstore I have ever been too but I still am soft for The Green Apple and Dog Eared in SF. Seeing Seahaven was pretty cool but hated the guy who decided it was a good time to mosh during their set. Sitting by myself in the rose gardens. Smoking a joint down the street and no one questioning it. Drinking a few beers at the most random brewery. The biggest one was stripping on stage in Casa Diablo, a vegan strip club. (That is one of the craziest moments of my life)

Portland was a time and place where I truly felt free. Where I felt like I could conquer the world with only $250 in my bank account. I miss the feeling.

Here’s the trip in snapchats. I hate 2016 me who never used my camera and only Snapchat.

I got married

I got married 04/19/2018 and it still doesn’t feel real. I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with Jaime you don’t even understand. It feels so fucking surreal. We eloped and it honestly was the best decision for us. Surprisingly my parents were understanding, Jaime’s family especially his mom not too much. I will never understand how they feel but I just see it as them making our marriage about them. I know it’s a big moment but at the end of the day it’s about us. I’m trying not to let this whole situation ruin the magic that I’m feeling but it’s hard. I deactivated my social media because I’m avoiding until the time comes to face it. I’ll never understand why people can’t be happy for you but it is what it is. I’m happy and in love and that all I need right now.